dirty golf quotes

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Sawdust City LLC. document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Because he thought every day he needed to play around. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. Golf Quotes About Life 22. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. Noah who? Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Achieve more with each and every round you play. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. Wodehouse, 31. Dirt your body. They dont have the heart for it. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. You swing left and the ball goes right. 3 of 10. Why dont skeletons play golf? What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? 4. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. P.G. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Hi there! And that thought is: Dont think. PG Wodehouse. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. Required fields are marked *. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? 1. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. -Lee Trevino Try choking donw on the shaft. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. Knock, knock So what are you waiting for? If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! 4. You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. Don't dirt your soul. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? Clubbing. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Boo. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. Because her coach was a pumpkin. "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. Twelfth son of the Lama. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? Tahiti. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Peter Jacobson, 33. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. I'm pretty good with my short putts. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. I was actually enjoying it. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! Roarin' Mcllroy What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. I stepped on a rake. Many golfing terms sound naughty. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. What are a golfers favorite flowers? Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? Its to move on. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. -Bob Hope I`m really worried about myself. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Are you a water hazard? Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! Id cry too if I played golf like you. Photo: Shutterstock. So, I'm on the first tee with him. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. Your email address will not be published. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. Lee Trevino. I am a Musician. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. The lowest score wins. What do you call a lion playing golf? My three keys to success: One, work hard. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. Keep your head down. Drops him off at the golf course! You are signed up for our newsletter! A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? Required fields are marked *. I've got some good news. Where is the best place to go on vacation? Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? So that you can share them back, with the whole world. 5. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf Whats the difference between golf and sex? Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. If you drink, dont drive. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Bruce Lansky. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. Enjoy! On a golf course, nature is neutered. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Damn, my shaft's all bent. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! He was perfecting his swing. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. Because all the other four letter words were taken. Are you looking for some funny jokes? Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. I know what to look for. Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. Golf tips are like Aspirin: One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle youll be lucky to survive. Harvey Penick, 17. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. Very interesting. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. 8. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. It will test your patience. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. The guys who come A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Does a bear crap in the woods? Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Watch their eyes. 3. Two rounds a day are plenty. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. P.G. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? "Hockey is a sport for white men. You look like someone who likes to swing. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. no! It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. 7. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? After 18 holes, I can barely walk. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. The other 20. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn.

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