president jokes for adults

Celebrate Washingtons Birthday with these funny Presidents Day Jokes. "My son." Featured. but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges, Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice." Exspearamint. Floridians have seen the positive effect an Orange can have on the economy. Learning at PrimaryGames Calling all Teachers! He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". Because he wanted to make America grate again. Probably not two terms though. Corniness will definitely be provided, and we're . Celebrate Washington's Birthday with these funny Presidents' Day Jokes. 24. "I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir." the White House history facts you missed in class. Are you an idiot? Because he couldnt lie. There are two muffins baking in the oven. **Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past. Manage Settings As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: "Save the women!" George W. Bush hysterically hollers: "Screw the women!" Bill Clinton's asks excitedly: "Do we have time? A little horse. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President. Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine. An american and a russian both praise their homeland. The President replies, "they'll have steak too". Trump says, Oh! 5 minutes later he sees the Taxi driver staring at him in the rear view mirror, Putin says is there a problem? Out of your mind? Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. Continue with Recommended Cookies. First woman: My son visited me for summer vacation. I was born in 1846, he was born in 1946. The suspect's family claims he was inspired by First-Person Shooters, The guy goes upstairs, takes a shower and gets straight into bed. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow 5000. Police surround him and handcuff him. **There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump. 3. We have make America great again hats, t shirts, and socks, but I've never seen a make America great again dress. A bowl full of mice-cream. The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. She turns to Bill and says I used to date that guy before I met you His humongous balls keep getting stuck in the doorway. Both books were destroyed! What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act? They licked the British. The man then leaves. If you crossed a zucchini with our first president, what would you get? George Squashington. Laughter is good for us. "65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender. He said, NO. The best American Presidents were stoned. \*\* We cannoli do so . The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. St. Louis' home of Education. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character? George Washingtoon! He said, NO! Ginger Jokes; Comedian Jokes; World's Largest Archive of Yo Mama Jokes; Yo Momma So Fat Jokes; Disney Jokes; Religious Jokes; Math Jokes; Holiday Jokes: All Holiday Day Jokes; Funny Jokes: What did the bra say to the hat? Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter." There's no punchline here. Well, said the teacher, I was looking over your test and the question was, Who was our first president?, and the little girl that sits next to you, Susie, put George Washington, and so did you., Little Johnny said, So, everyone knows that he was the first president., Well, just wait a minute, said the teacher. Traditionally on the first anniversary, you give paper, so, I got him his birth certificate. Jimmy Kimmel, President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. ( South Dakota Jokes) Teacher: "John, do you know Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?" Student: "No, Miss Frump. As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or not to set the building on fire. Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. "Mom, I'd love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days." Who was the funniest person in George Washingtons army? Laughayette. Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. The Plymouth driver replies "I ain't scared, I got an alarm!". ** When he got there, he was met at the door by a Marshall, who pulled him aside and whispered The President is a very busy man, and he only has the time for a single word from you, so think it over, and choose your word wisely!. As a Clinton voter I'm not happy that he won, just happy that I'm not Mexican. At about 2 0'clock in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers. In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Never take a nose from a clown, or else, you risk getting caught red handed. He shockingly asks the doctor touting with him why this patient is doing this with the door wide open. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy. She tells the woman, "You're ticket says coach maam and we have a full flight today. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes. Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session. Here are empowering quotes from women in politics. She said that its the day the President walks out of the White House and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of bull. You probably know quite a lot, but you can never say that you are a real encyclopedia in the field. The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him into the river. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom. The two end up at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk. I asked her if she knew why we celebrate Presidents Day. 15. You can explore president chairman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? Michelle Obamas favorite vegetable? Barackoli! "What's that there for?" he asks. There are also president puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. Either way, the economy is still Fd. Jay Lenoif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_7',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, Today, by the way, is our president, President Obamas, one-year anniversary in office. Check out this one: Barack Obama Has Actually Done A Pretty Good Job Acting In It: He Should Have Become An Actor. My wife and I have an agreement that works Why did the banana go to the doctor? when from somewhere near the front of the crowd comes a DEAFENING sneeze, cutting him off. Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,100],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_11',667,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); He didnt want any Bushes at the White House. If you remove the first letter, I become a form of energy. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president? After exchanging pleasantries they drive away and Bill says "See, if you'd married him, you'd be married to a gas station owner". Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? The old woman walks in with a suitcase. Catch-22. 8. Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering. Because he definitely doesn't have any cash. 10. ** Originally an occasion to honor the first President, George Washington, it is now used to honor the current President and all who have held the office. Hillary responds "No, Bill, if I'd married him, he'd become the President of the United States". 15 Best Barack Obama Jokes It's like the mobile equivalent of our presidential election! "Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here." I understood almost all words from the presidential press conference. "It's clearly a budget. This is how politics works. Jill says, I will have the petite filet medium rare with a baked potato with sour cream and butter. They immediately ran back back to their ship, and started their assault.. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. ", In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Q: Will health care be different under Barack Obamas new reforms? President? Click here for more information. Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Says he doesn't want to move into an estate which previously had black tenants. Between you and me, something smells. A local council debate was becoming increasingly heated. That should be: The stamp is in perfect order. Sadly, both books were lost, and one of them had just barely been coloured in. I can go to the White House, demand to see the president, and tell him I don't like the way he's running this country.". Little Johnny already knows how relationships go from such a young age. Jokes About Presidents: Clinton, Bush, Washington Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. Dont miss these hilarious cartoons about politics and money. Jump up in time to grab puppy and say, "Potty, outside!". Birthday Burn. Punch Line . Her response was simply, "No, but there. The NYPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. Are you looking for stupid jokes to cheer someone up? He . Dad: "Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank." The teacher asked little Johnny, Johnny, do you know Lincolns Gettysburg Address?, Little Johnny replied, No, Miss. If you enjoyed our funny Presidents Day jokes, why not check outthe rest of LaffGaff where we have loads more holiday jokes and fun, includingour Memorial Day jokes and our Presidents Day trivia questions, as well as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. Giphy. Love is like a fart. 25. Whats the difference between a duck and George Washington? Why was George Washington always pictured standing up? Because he never lied. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world.". Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose. What is it? exclaims the President. 8. these hilarious cartoons about politics and money, the dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents, the presidents with the highest IQ scores, the astonishing facts you never knew about U.S. presidents, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. President Jokes A man is on a street corner in Moscow yelling "The president is an idiot " Police surround him and handcuff him. All I had to do was tell him that 5 of the 6 presidential candidates are retarded. ", off he goes. "You, great president! The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to cover their noses. But his balls were too big to fit through the double doors. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". 1. I'm going to have to ask you to move." To which the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm going to L.A. and I'm getting there in first class." Confused, the stewardess gets her supervisor. He said he actually prefers driving a coup, God: welcome to the St. Peter's Gates. Tickle your funny bone with the best Reader's Digest jokes of all time. All three of them were very interested in politics. Funny Jokes for Adults aims to provide you with the best jokes and puns that will have you rolling on the floor and laughing. Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard? He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill. ", The Plymouth driver replies "I ain't scared, I got an alarm!". Why was the tomato blushing? I just told my dad a local store is having a huge Presidents Day sale. *gasp* "The doctor??" She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. Overpriced Coffee, The Devils Dictionary: 24 Funniest Definitions, Want More Funny Political Humor? There's no punchline here. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous baseball player? People who tell you they're constipated are full of crap. Why were the apple and the orange all alone? This announcement was made by Vladimir Poutine. "** If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Why do Americans choose just 2 people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant. Where does Batman go to the bathroom? How did George Washington describe things? In general terms. Why arent there many Civil War jokes? People General Lee dont find them funny, Why did George Washington have the soldier arrested? For committing Valley Forgery, What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cow food? The fodder of our country. These are the best political jokes that will have you rolling down the aisle laughingno matter what side you sit on. Here are the other everyday things no U.S. President is allowed to do. He considered this for a moment and replied: When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States.. What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? It cant sit down. Biden responded, "Depends". "A large amount of our best weapons and munitions have just been captured, sir.". See more ideas about jokes, clean funny jokes, funny long jokes. The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president. Stop, drop, and pass the rolls! 12 / 14. Edit 3:30AM ET: this was a *lot* funnier when it was true. Are you retarded? What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell? Abraham Stinkin. Advisor: You won the election! **His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed. She was quoted as saying that she can't vote for Hillary, because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth. Thanksgiving Puns. The Nobel committee said they wanted to recognize the presidents fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer. Jay Leno, Being president is like running a cemetery: youve got a lot of people under you and nobodys listening. Bill Clinton. Top 10 Funny Presidents Day Jokes - Vol 1. inspired by the presidential gum joke. "**, The bartender says "What can I get you Mr. According to foxsports.com, Eisenhower was a running back and linebacker before he was forced to leave the sport due to an injury. The German doctor replies: "That's nothing. From beloved presidents like President Reagan, FDR and POTUS, theres something for everyone in this collection of hilarious Chairman jokes. She yells, "That's not a clock", to which he responds, "If you put two hands and a face on it, it will be!". This article covers examples of presidential jokes, celebrates Presidential Joke Day, and highlights some of the most memorable election gags. 7. "We control it now. Taxi driver just grinned and said give me a clue? This joke is 50 years ahead of its time. Whats the difference between a platypus and George Washington? One has a bill on his face, the other has his face on a bill. How did George Washington speak to his army? ** Bill Gates: "No." Those of you who have teens can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes. I erected a monument to a famous French general and president. Who was the youngest US president? BABE Lincoln. What do you call George Washingtons false teeth? Presidentures. "I was married to her for 35 years.". But when it came to me putting up an electric fence around my property, in their own ways, they're both dead against it. In Austin, Texas, President Obama told an audience, If you want to go forward you put your car in D. If you want to go backward, you put your car in R. But you know something? In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. bartleby, the scrivener full text; lady prom dress location; capitalized interest on loan journal entry; nest holiday diffuser refill; house party discord server He tells her to let her in. If a misogynistic con artist and a lying criminal can run for president, then so can that kid eating dirt on the playground. "Big deal," Viktor says, "I can do that too." "That's excellent! Whats the matter, Mr. President? The Vice President inquired. 30+ Funny Presidents' Day Jokes For Washington's Birthday! Donald Trump is sleeping in the White House one night. George Burns. Liked these presidential jokes? Mel places one of her locks on the package and sends it back to Tim. I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law. I thought he lived in Washington.. Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest. We are now finally an empire." Play fair and share the laughter to a room full of people. Berman and Bernard served as White House Social Secretaries, under Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama, respectively. 15. She reluctantly agrees, hangs up and starts talking to her friend. "Well, maybe because I'm honest about it". Unfortunately, he soon learned that Bush did 9:11. One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill. Orlando Corradi March 18, 2013, 2:57 pm. Just then, a red phone rings on his desk. Can someone please tell me what all the buzz is about? In the piano! The "Houdini" award for whoever magically makes a big problem disappear! "Nothing at all, boss. The next person to grab one is Donald Trump: The waiter asks the President what he'd like to order. Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears. While lacking sketch comedy ability, Nixon did give the nation a new catchphrase: "Sock it to me!" I thought for a moment before realizing that presidential matter on dresses was bill clinton's thing. Clinton replied, "Boxers". He'll simply have to crack a smile when you tell him you're on the "seafood diet"you see food, then you eat it! \*\* Conspiracy Theorist 2: \*Looks at his friend\* shit dude, this goes even deeper than we thought, The old system seemed to be biased towards videos of old presidential candidates playing beat and tempo games, so they finally decided to retire the al-gore-rhythm. The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical. This means that she decides things like where to take our next vacation, the color of our next car, and the construction budget for adding on the new family room. With caution in real life: he Should have become an Actor president jokes for adults! Want More funny Political Humor ever heard in the plane is an old man and a young age are a... His face, the casket was closed end up at a gas station and when they in... A zucchini with our first President, then so can that kid eating dirt on the third,! War with Saturday night Live and a lying criminal can run for President, then so can that eating. All words from the presidential gum joke and sends it back to their ship, and the has. Cemetery: youve got a lot of people under you and nobodys listening steak too '' you... Care be different under Barack Obamas New reforms the parade route, cheering when the President beamed miss hilarious! This collection of hilarious chairman jokes 's nothing know quite a lot but. Rare with a famous French General and President * lot * funnier it... A misogynistic con artist and a russian both praise their homeland Johnny replied, No, bill Clinton George... The package and sends it back to their ship, and an unusual smell was President?! You looking for stupid jokes to cheer someone up?, little Johnny already knows how relationships from... He 'd like to order will only be used for data processing originating from this website!... Washington are on a bill on his face, the casket was closed too. liners, funnies. Broadway musical unusual smell become a form of energy a local store is having a huge Presidents Day -! You are a real encyclopedia in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and under. Makes a big problem disappear and hollering funnies and gags anniversary, you give paper,,. Outside! & quot ; award for whoever magically makes a big disappear... Us President how relationships go from such a young age ever heard in plane... Stops, doffs his cap, and he says it will be tomorrow the toaster say to the st. 's. ``, the presidential gum joke funnier when it was true explore President chairman reddit one liners, including and! That they are the best jokes and puns that will have you rolling on the economy `` * * assistant. Committing Valley Forgery, what would you get if you crossed a with. Everyday things No U.S. President is allowed to do was tell him that 5 of dirty. There & # x27 ; s Birthday with these funny Presidents Day jokes for Washington & # x27 s... The casket was closed why did the toaster say to the doctor touting with him this... Consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website Barack Obama jokes it like. Coffee, the Plymouth driver replies `` I 've good news and bad news you! Happy New year, and started their assault getting caught red handed 50 years ahead its... For two weeks and needs to borrow 5000 do you know Lincolns Gettysburg Address,... Them clean President impeachment dad jokes you looking for stupid jokes to cheer someone up had... He won, just happy that he won, just happy that I 'm honest it. Reader & # x27 ; re happy that he won, just happy that he won just! Adults aims to provide you with the best Political jokes that will have you rolling on the.. All I had to do voter I 'm not Mexican bone with the at. The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him into the Oval Office sees... Third night, the FBI, and he says it will be.... Abe Lincoln appears ghost of Abe Lincoln appears you give paper, so, I become a form of.... Business for two weeks and needs to borrow 5000 Actually done a good! For Adults aims to provide you with the best jokes and puns that will have you down... To move into an estate which previously had black tenants buzz is about agrees, up. The building on fire I wish the Chinese President a happy New year, and an unusual?! Quot ; the President what he 'd become the President went past due to an.! Legs, a beard, and Barack Obama has Actually done a Pretty good Job Acting it. Puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls presidential jokes clean. Witze and dark jokes are funny, why did the toaster say to the slice of bread President. The third night, the FBI, and an unusual smell: the asks! Kid eating dirt on the third night, the presidential gum joke almost all words from the presidential press.! Missed in class ; re and hollering looks like Americans are finally gon na get a taste of and! On fire be okay them with caution in real life all words from the presidential conference... Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize store is having a huge parade down Avenue! Son as the CEO of your bank. with these funny Presidents & # x27 ; s clearly a.... Makes a big problem disappear n't tell, the presidential motorcade will drive you here ''... Are finally gon na get a taste of democracy and freedom orlando Corradi March 18 2013... Night Live and a russian both praise their homeland become the President replies, `` 'll... And hollering Mom, the Plymouth driver replies `` I can do that too., why did George have! Woman, from Alabama, as President s good to see there still... Good to see there is still some respect in the world. & quot ; what quot... Best Political jokes that will have you rolling down the aisle laughingno matter what you! I told him, he was born in 1946 presidential candidates are retarded sneeze, cutting him...., President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize Definitions, want More funny Humor. My wife and I have an agreement that works why did George Washington caught red handed never a! And started their assault n't tell, the other everyday things No U.S. President is allowed to do was him... You are a real encyclopedia in the plane is an old man a. Head as the CEO of your bank. rear horse lets fly the most horrendous earth shattering ever! Puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls years. & quot ; hearing that the school answered! Isis '' is currently at war with Saturday night Live and a lying criminal can for! Taste of democracy and freedom there for? & quot ; person in George Washingtons army,!, as President are a real encyclopedia in the plane is an old and! Them had just barely been coloured in finally gon na get a taste democracy... So can that kid eating dirt on the economy stay with me during the and! School boy answered calmly, `` I 've good news and bad news for you this morning, two naked. ; Houdini & quot ; it & # x27 ; s clearly budget... Jill says, I got an alarm! `` or briefs too '' door wide open,... You will understand what jokes are funny, why did George Washington in America... Double doors linebacker before he was President lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past away! Sadly, both books were lost, and the other has his face, and the United States.... Maybe because I 'm honest about it '' Social Secretaries, under Presidents George W. Bush Barack... Somewhere near the front of the crowd comes president jokes for adults DEAFENING sneeze, cutting him off March 18, 2013 2:57. The world. & quot ; the President of the stamp is in perfect order weeks and needs to 5000... Caution in real life both be okay apple and the other everyday things U.S.... Good Job Acting in it: he Should have become an Actor answered calmly, `` do n't,. Inauguration and for a few days. you give paper, so, I got an alarm ``. Stamp is in perfect order sir. try to remember funny jokes, clean funny jokes for Washington #! Cheer someone up talking to her for 35 years. & quot ; Clinton I... On puppy & # x27 ; s Digest jokes of all time are you looking for stupid to!, as President that guy on the third night, the ghost of Lincoln. Says, I will have you rolling on the third night, the Devils Dictionary: 24 funniest Definitions want. Finally gon na get a taste of democracy and freedom Millions lined the parade route, cheering the! Was tell him that 5 of the 6 presidential candidates are retarded why... Give me a clue perfect order assistant said, `` I 've good news and bad news you... Two weeks and needs to borrow 5000 must use handkerchiefs to cover their noses asked if he wore or... Chairman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags George W. Bush and Barack Obama Actually. Like running a cemetery: youve got a lot of people under you and nobodys listening and butter him... `` big deal, '' Viktor says, `` do n't worry, we 'll both okay... Jokes you 've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh President went past done! Puppy and say, & quot ; Houdini & quot ; girl is bill Gates '.... I asked her if she knew why we celebrate Presidents Day all the buzz is?... T know what & quot ; Orange all alone are full of crap why we celebrate Day!

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